How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: A Practical Guide
As you begin reading this, I invite you to take one deep breath.
And another one...
As you take a third breath, I encourage you to call to mind one thing that has happened to you today that you are grateful for or that made you smile.
For me, it was seeing our two cats playfully chase each other up and down the stairs after their breakfast.
I encourage you now to ask yourself these two questions:
What one small thing can I do today, that I actually would do, that will make my life better than it was yesterday?
What reward can I give myself once I complete that thing?
For example, is your desk in disarray, or do you have unread emails or letters to respond to? What is causing you daily annoyance and guilt or leading you to put off decisions you need to make? Decide now what one thing you are willing to do about it.
Set a timer and do the small thing. Then reward yourself for it.
In his book, the “12 Rules for Life,” Canadian Clinical Psychologist Jordan B. Peterson shares these above tips in Rule 4. He also advises,
“Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.”
He goes on to explain that unlike when we were younger, comparison as adults is futile, as we are not comparing apples to apples.
“As we mature we become, by contrast, increasingly individual and unique. The conditions of our lives become more and more personal and less and less comparable with those of others,” (12 Rules for Life, pg. 89).
So, what are we to do instead? First, we can do more of what you started doing as you began reading this article:
Be grateful. There is always something, however small, to be thankful for. If you’re not sure where to start, thank God for the fact that you are breathing, your limbs are functioning, that there is at least one person in your life that loves you and wants the best for you, and that you are alive.
Do something small each day to improve your life from where it was yesterday. This isn’t just a nice idea from Peterson, but it’s also biblical. Galatians 6:4-5 says, “Each of you must examine your own actions. Then you can be proud of your own accomplishments without comparing yourself to others. Assume your own responsibility.” Our lives are our responsibility, not what someone is or isn’t doing.
Reward yourself for doing that small thing. Determine what thing would motivate you to act. Is it a coffee from your local coffee shop? Is it your favorite Netflix cooking show? Whatever it is, honor your progress by giving yourself that one thing. If you are balking at the thought of needing a reward, Peterson says this, “Don’t tell yourself, ‘I shouldn’t need to do that to motivate myself.’ What do you know about yourself? You are, on the one hand, the most complex thing in the entire universe, and on the other, someone who can’t even set the clock on your microwave. Don’t over-estimate your self-knowledge,” (12 Rules for Life, pg. 109).
So today we have a choice.
We can either continue to peer over our shoulder and look at how others are “succeeding at x, y, and z” compared to us, or we can choose to compare ourselves to who we were yesterday and actually make progress towards our God given mission.
With love,
Valentina
“For when we say ‘Yes’ to God, we change the world”!